Grief

There are many stages to grief.  The stages can come at you quickly, or they can be stretched out.  You can go through more than one at a time.  You can also waffle back and fort between the stages.  There is no right way to go throught grief.  You simply are in it until you are out of it.  One day, it does not hurt quite as bad as the day before.  And, soon the memories you have of that loved one will be bittersweet. 

Today,  my counselor and I talked about my grandmother.  (The one that I lived with until I graduated from highschool.) 

I don’t think I have a memory of my young life without her being there.  She held me and told me sotries.  She taught me how to tie my shoes, how to climb a tree and how to ride a bike.  Being a former school teacher, she also taught me how to spell my name and how to count.  She opened the world of reading and imagination to me.

When I turned 16, my mother remarried and moved to Columbia.  She agreed to leave me and my sister at home with my Grandmother.  At least, that is what she told everyone.  In actuality, I was left at home with my 13 year old sister, my Grandmother and my other set of Grandparents that lived about two miles away.

Imagine, at the age of 16, with a brand new driver’s license and a new checking account and being a Junior in high school, being left with a 13 year old sister and three aged grandparents.  What a responsibility was placed on my still young and tender shoulders.  I had to grow up and grow up quickly.  All at once, I was responsible for a 13 year old and three grandparents.  I had to buy groceries, pay bills, earn money for college, take people to doctors, go to school, go to church and learn how to manage money. 

My grandmother was there through all of that.  She kept the house and washed the clothes.  She hung them on the clothes line as she always had.  She talked about my other grandparents being “old” and how we should take care of them. 

My grandmother cooked until she got to where she could not.  Then I took over that duty.  There were one too many fires on the stove for my comfort.  So, I learned how to cook so we would have food.

It was also during this time that her memory started faltering some.  She had periods of confusion and oneriness that tried the patience of  the 16 year old who was trying so hard to keep it all together.  I can remember times when she would put on her straw hat and take off down the road.  I would have to hop into the car and go and find her.  She was going, but where?  Usually, I could coax her back into the car and back home.  But, some times, she was determined to go….

Today, I told my counselor that I felt that when I “escaped” by going to Furman, that I ran away and deserted my grandmother.  She had no one after I left.  She had no where to go and no one to take her in.  If I had stayed, she would not have died all alone in a sterile and cold hospital room far away from all people and things she loved.  I said that I felt I had sacrificed her much the way I was sacrified. 

And, I cried….I cried for the poor 18 year old that I became who felt the only way was to run away and escape.  I cried for the grandmother who I loved so much and who loved me enough to let me go.  She was happy that I was going to college.  She was proud of me and wished me well.  She was the one who sacrificed her happiness so that I could escape. 

I never got to say goodbye to her.  I know she knew that I loved her.  But, I never got to say it to her.  She sent me letters while I was at Furman.  She sent me a pie in the mail.  It was wonderful!!!  She loved me so much and I just let her go.  Julie, my counselor, helped me to realize that my grandmother actually let me go.  She could have asked me to stay….but she loved me so much, she encouraged me to contine on…

So, today, right now, my grief for her is a real as if she had just died.  My heart aches with the loss of such a wonderful loving and kind person.  She influenced my life so much and I doubt she never knew how much her teaching and caring touched me.  I can never thank her enough for her sacrifice.  I can never thank her enough for her love.

Just Have To

This is the first time in weeks that I have wanted to enter something totally whimsical into my blog.  The title came to me on my walk to the Farmer’s Market this morning.  The formation of the blog was already playing around in my head.  I needed a title to go with it.  Hence, Just Have To….

Have you ever seen something that you “just had to” ….touch, taste, of smell?  You know, the things of which I speak.  When you see a baby that is so cute you just have to touch it, kiss it, smell it’s head or blow on it’s belly?  When you smell something that is so delicious that you have to put it in your mouth?  When the texture of it and the taste of it is absolutely wonderful?  When you see a flower that is beautiful and want to smell it?  You get the idea!

My two kitties sometimes inspire me to “just have tos”.  They are really cute and fluffy.  They make poses that are just so inviting that I just have to respond in some way.  They will lay down and expose their bellies.  They will roll from side to side.  They turn their head just a certain way.  They have a sleepy look in their eyes.  They snuggle next to you and purr.  There is a long list of just have to’s.

Now, what do I just have to do?  Well, sometimes I simply have to touch them and rub their heads and ears.  When they walk by, I just have to grasp their tail and allow it to move through my hand as they continue to walk by.  Sometimes I have to tempt fate and just rub that exposed belly.  Other times, I have to smell them.  Each cat has a different smell.  My Abbie cat used to smell like cinnamon.  These two have distinct smells too.  Both have clean scents that I have yet to identify with a specific smell.  Kind of like clean laundry.

My sister has a new kitten that she rescued. It is a ball of fire and never stops moving until it wears itself out.  When you happen to catch the tazmanian devil as it whils into view, it begins nipping and biting and attacking anthing that moves.  For this little guy, I just had to blow on his belly and buzz him kind of like you do a baby.  It suprised him and got him to stop biting for a few seconds.  Then he was off again on is rampage.

Some time, I have to play with my kitties feet.  They are just so cute.  Their little pink toes.  The hair between them.  These boys have huge feet!  I love it when they open their paws and let me run my finger between their toes.  Not only does it bring them a sense of ahhh because they like the massage, but I enjoy it because of the sensation.

The one thing I do that will probably confirm what most of you alreay think or know about me, how strange I really am, is that some times, I just have to bite them too.  I know it sounds strange and yucky to some…but, I have a method to my madness.  When they are just soo cute and pretty…I just have to bite them.  Why?

Well, kitties have a strange way of showing their love.  Yes, they rub against you.  But, contrary to popular believe, the rub is not simply as sign of affection, they are marking their scent on you.  They also will head butt you.  That is a sign of greeting.  But, if they really love you and have affection for you, they will give you a little nip.  Not a hard bite…just a little nip. 

So, when I lean down and bite the scruff of there necks just gently, it give them the message that I love them.  They do not move away from me.  They do not tense up and look at me like I am a nut.  They simply take the sign of affection and sometimes will respond with the same.

So think about the just have tos that you see today.  Another one that I saw was puppies.  They were absolutely the cutest thing I was seeing at the time.  So, I just had to walk over and touch them. 

What do you Just Have To….?

Father’s Day

The year has rolled around again.  It is Father’s Day.  So, to all those males in my life who are fathers or who aspire to be fathers, Happy Day!  Today, in our sermon at church we heard words based on Micah 6:8  Do Justice, Love Mercy and Walk Humbly with your God.

Most fathers are practioners of those three edicts (for want of a better word…maybe too harsh for some).  They love their children which is the “cement” that holds the other two together.  In order to do justice, you need to love mercy.  In order to walk humble, you need to love mercy.  They practice these things everyday. 

Not all fathers are like those we see on TV.  We have examples of bad fathers and good fathers.  Very seldom do we see human fathers.  Fathers are human.  They do make mistakes and sometimes seem harsh sometimes with their corrections.  They do make mistakes and sometimes seem too lenient with their corrections.  However, if they love their children, they will endeavor to instill in them a sense of justice and humility as well as love….

I did not know my father (my biological father) very well.  I was very young when he died.  However there were lots of men in our lives.  They were cousins and uncles.  They stepped in when our dad died.  Mostly they dealt with my two older brothers.  They took them hunting and fishing and I am sure there were plenty “fatherly” conversations during those times.  We also had a grandfather who loved us.

These men also cared for my mother and my grandmother both of whom were husbandless and in my grandmother’s case childless too.  They showed great love and mercy and grace in caring for us all.  We always had fresh meat…deer mostly but it was there for us to eat.  They would bring fish.  But mostly they would come and spend time with our family such as it was.  They would help with things that needed to be done that required men.

These men practiced Micah 6:8 for all of us to see.  They may not have know it.  But they were teaching us to care for others as they had cared for us.  To these men I owe a great debt of gratitude.

My nieces have shared with me how they think their father is wonderful.  They have shared stories with me.  And, I have seen him in action.  He has been a wonderful provider and care giver to these children.  And, he still practices Micah 6:8 today.  He just returned from a missions trip to Africa.  When the girls were younger, they would accompany him on these trips.  They all got to see what it was to practice Micah 6:8 in a foreign land where there was a need for juctice, mercy and humility.

My step-father has been very good to us also.  He came into my life when I was already a teen ager.  He accepted us as his own even though he had children of his own.  He too showed us how to practice Micah 6:8 in how he cared for us.  He has been there through some very rough times in our family.  And, he has stood steadfastly beside my mother.  Now that he is older and in poor health, he still says that he will do anything he can for us each and everytime we speak.  He is a good, kind and caring man.  But, like all, human. 

Our heavenly father gives us glimpses of Himself through our earthly fathers and other men who come into our lives.  If they care for us as well as they do, imagine how much greater is God’s love for us.  Also, for those of you who have not had the best circumstances with your fathers or may not even know your father, remember that God is always there.  He is waiting for you to accept Him as your father.  He will send those to comfort and restore you.  And one day, we will see Him face to face in all His glory!

So, to all men today….Happy Father’s Day!!!!

PTSD

It is a known fact that people who have experienced sever abuse have PTSD.   Well, mine is working overtime today.  You see, I have been reading a book for our book club A Saint On Death Row by Thomas Cahill.  It has brought back to the surface some stuff that I thought I had put to bed.  So, today has been a day of muscle memory and tenseness. 

Muscle memory is really simple to understand.  It is how you grip a pen or a pencil to singn your name.   After you practice it enough when you are small, your muscles “remember” how to place themselves to hold the writing implement.

My muscle memory has more to deal with how tense I felt during the years of abuse I have received at the hands of others.   It’s like the reflexive action that a soldier has when he hears a bomb go off or hears gun fire.  Fear…tenseness…soreness…etc.  Right now, my back is all tense and I am as jumpy as a cat in a room with rocking chairs…. I am just waiting for the shoe to drop..the hand to swing…the words to be said.  It’s like being on “red alert” all the time.

Reading this book is a good thing and a bad thing.  It has drug up memories and pains from my own life.  This poor guy went through so much.  He was abused as a child…he ended up on the wrong side of the law and ended up being put in prison on death row for a crime he did not commit.  This book is all about his growth from a confused and abused child into a wonderful person.

One of the passages in the book talks about feeling like nothing.  That the nonintervention of others only serves to deeply imbed that feeling into the child.  It is called “soul murder”.  And it is….  You too begin to feel as if you are dispensible and disposable.  No one comes to your aid and you feel they never will.

Over the past year, I have worked really hard to know that neither I nor anyone else put here on this earth is a throw away.  We may be thrown away but that is not what or who we are.  In fact, it says more about the person who did the abusing than it does about ourselves.  They have a soul that can only be fed by the souls of others.  They drain the life out of their victims and leave them feeling worse than nothing.

We are not.  We are wounded.  We need to heal.  I consider myself a wounded healer.  The ones like me who have made it out on the other side need to be aware of those around us who are going through the same thing.

Regardless, the times of PTSD are coming farther and farther between.  I just need to keep on plugging and doing the next right thing.

Learning New Things

I had to go out and purchase a new computer today.  My old one finally gave up the ghost.  The guy at the Geek Squad desk in Best Buy said that it had served long and hard.  He said that due to the age, it would cost more to fix it than it was actually worth.  So, I trudged off to the new computer section to secure myself a replacement.

I amazes me how rude and pushy some people can be.  I stood there, cradling my old laptop in my arms waiting for the next available assistant.  In that wait, I saw at least 5 different people jump in front of me even though they plainly saw that I had been waiting patiently for the next available assistant.  I guess they thought they were more entitled to the help than I was because they evidently had more to do than just wait in Best Buy for someone to help them in the proper order.

Before I made it over to the computer section of Best Buy, I sat and waited patiently at the Geek Squad desk.  Actually, all of the people in line waited their turn and even talked nicely with each other.  There were two attendants at the desk who were working fervently with others.  When they called next, the next person waiting got up and took their place at the desk.  There was no such order in the sales room area.

I don’t know if I looked less likely to demand my turn out on the sales floor.  Or if it was just a matter of the more agressive you are, the more likely you are to get attention.  Either way, my turn did eventually happen and I did secure a computer.

In the meantime, I had the chance to look at all of the laptops offered.  I only wanted something for internet and email along with the occasional letter I have to write.  I also wanted wireless ability.  What I got, was a good bit more.  I now have a webcam which I have no idea how to use.  I don’t even think the owners manual has anything about how to use it.  So, I guess that is one think I will have to learn by surfing the web.

I am quite please with my purchase.  It seems to be doing the job for which it was created.  I still have things to learn about it I am sure.  However, what I already know pleases me.   Now, if someone will just so me how to use this webcam to put a picture of me on my facebook page.    I don’t even see a “function” button that might do the trick.  However, I am sure that I can figure it out.

One other thing about my shopping trip.  Why does everyone try to get you to buy the “special of the day”?  I know that is the “thing” they are pushing at the time.  However, when you clearly state that you don’t need to add an extra $300.00 to the cost of a computer that you are already trying to figure out how you are going to justify….even if you know you need one….they look at you like you just don’t get what a deal that happens to be.

9 times out of 10, you do not need the extended warranty.  Most things work the way they are suppose to without you paying extra just for the chance that it will die.  Afterall look how long my original laptop worked, a good 5 years!  Never had a day of trouble out of it.  And, these things are suppose to be made even better now.

Why, I have a pentium processer!  Which is like my salesperson told me was a huge highway for things to come into and go out of my computer.  A computer I quickly came hom and put Norton Antivirus on.

Now, maybe I can get that new novel that I’ve always wanted to write written….

Traveling

Often we know that we are going to take a trip.  We plan.  We pack.  We plot out the route.  We might even prepare for a snack to carry with us along on the trip.  We know where we are going.  We know, approximately with out troubles, how long the trip will take.  Then we set out on our journey.

This past year, has been one of traveling for me.  Not the type of traveling that involves transportation, although I did move from one place to another.  It did not really involve packing except for the one move that I made.  It did not require that I pack a snack but I did plot a route, so to speak.  I did not know where I was “really” going or “how long” the trip would take.

Today, I have realized that the journey I actually took was inside of myself.  I have, metaphorically, gone miles and miles from where I started.  Yet, I still am here….sometimes in the middle of trials and tribulations.  The physical me has not changed except maybe for a few more wrinkles and a pound gained or lossed….and of course more gray hair…But the moral me…well that is a whole other thing.  It has grown beyond my expectations or hopes.  I am totally in awe and did not actually realize what was happening.

This journey has not been an easy one.  It is, by far, not yet over.  And, it is one that I will continue until and maybe after I actually meet my heavenly Father.  There have been times when I thought that I could not pick up one more foot to put it in front of another.  There have been times when I just flat out did not want to do the “next right thing”.  But, through it all, God has been working on me.  Showing me that I could and would continue the journey.  That I would not “throw in the towel”.  That even with a beaten and bruised spirit, I would be able to heal and be able to be used as one of His earthly instruments.

The farther along the journey we have gone, the more I realize that I have to allow God to be the guide.  Often, if I say, I know the way, I find myself helplessly lost and crying in the wilderness.  I have had to say, “God, find me and bring me back”.  I have had to learn to “hold tight” to the hand that guides us all.  If I stray too far away, I am once again helplessly lost.  I get out of the light and get afraid.

I am not writing this to be proud.  Rather, it is to give hope to those who are experiencing similar trials.  I have found that the more I focus on others on the journey and help them along, the easier the road is for me.  I can actually run back a little ways and help those along the way to get a little further down the road.  However, it is not me, it is God through me that does the work.  We all have the ability even if we do not think so.  Remember Moses….Or Noah…..Or Jonah….Or even David….and numerous others…..

I have found that even though I cannot speak eloquently or may not actually want to go where Ihave been sent, if Ido wha the Father asks of me, it is a wonderful sight to see.  I have had to return to places that were hard for me.  I have had to relive things I would perfer not to live through again.  I have felt feelings that I thought were long buried and have cried tears for things and people lost.  Yet, through it all, I have been used to help those around me.

You see, it is easier for me to focus on others than myself.  It is easier for anyone who has walked that path to help others who are struggling to make it down that path.  It is a blessing to me to know that I could be used in any way to ease someone else’s burden even just a little.  And, believe it or not, it eases my burden too.

To even be able to share this with others is an amazing thing to me.  If asked a year ago if I thought I would be able to say or write these words, I would have been the first one to say “nope not me”…”I won’t ever be able to say that.”  However, here I am.  Stronger by the grace of God…yet realizing that I need to lean on Him.  The more I give to Him….more control, more trust, more obedience….the easier my journey actually gets.

Not My Fault

In that talk with the counselor that I mentioned yesterday, I learned that it was not my fault.  I am not to blame for the abuse I endured.  I was not to blame for the time that I stayed in the marriage.  I am not to blame for what that man did to me.  I was a victim.  He used me.  He tortured me.  He played with my mind and almost caused me to go completely mad.

It really surprised me when I realized how close I had come to insanity.  How close to the edge I actually was.  That the primal part of my brain took over and chose survival to defeat and insanity.  It makes it easier to forgive myself for my poor choice.

What was my poor choice….the man I married.  He had me completely fooled.  He could be so charming, loving and kind.  He completely took me in.  I took it hook, line and sinker.  He targeted me and even though I had some fears, I chalked them up to the new experience of someone actually loving me and the excitement rather than the warning system trying to warn me away.

When they say, “Love is blind” they really mean it.  I was so much in love that it blinded me to all the imperfections that I should have seen and all the warning signals that I should have heard.

But, when I said, “I do” I wanted it work.  I really, really tried.  And, I do not have to feel guilty about walking away.  Leaving is what saved my life.  I would truly not be here today if I had not packed my stuff and walked away.

I walked away from a lot of things.  But, I came out of it with my life.  It has taken some really tough work with the counselor and some really long talks with God.  I think I am on the mend.  God has shown me show much in this past year.  He has allowed me to forgive.  He has allowed me to feel safer and surer of myself than I have in a long time.  He has shown me that I do have people who love me and not for what I can do for them.  Just for who I am.  I am not a throw away person.

No one is a throw away….

A Matter Of Survival

While talking with my counselor today, I realized something.  I need to step back for a second and fill you in on a couple of things.  I have been working on forgiveness.  Not only for my soon to be ex but forgiveness for myself.  I have been praying hard about forgiving myself for putting myself in the situation in which I found myself.  I have been making headways in trying to fogive my ex.  I have found from divorce recovery that first you say the words, then you feelings begin to change.  That in no way means that the situation is forgotten…just forgiven.  I know it can happen because I have already been able to forgive people for some pretty horrible things that happened to me.

Anyway, we got to taling about whether it was my fault.  “It” being me staying so long in a marriage that was essentially killing me or rather the “ME” I was and wanted to be.  The Cindy that is open, trusting, caring, cofident, funny, fearless, devoted, God loving….etc…  So, we sat down and discussed just that.

I need to say that I had felt like a “throw away” person for so long when I was young.  I had finally made myself realize that I was not a throw away person.  I had worth above and beyond what others thought.  In fact God made me special and wonderful and He does not make throw aways.  Then I met my ex….

The very thing that I had worked so hard to get rid of….the throw away feeling was what my ex latched on to and used against me every step of the way.  He isolated me.  He belittled me.  He told me that I was not worth anything to anyone but him.  He took away my confidence and fed my fears.  In order to “keep” his love, I had to act a certain way.  I was losing me….

The man tortured me so much.  I thought I was the one who was wrong.  I thought if I was just “good” enough but I was never “good” enough.  He totally “messed with my mind”.

The result?  Where am I headed with this?  At first, I would run away.  I would hide and try to “regroup”.  I would lock the door to the bathroom and get in the corner and crouch down and just cry and cry.  I would turn over in my mind again and again just what I had done.  Surely God did not want me to suffer in a marriage that He had blessed.  So, what was wrong with me?  Why wasn’t this working?

Outside of the house, I would try and function as I did before.  Of course I did not want anyone to see that I was so weak.  That I could not keep it together.  I tried to act as normal as possible.  The stress seaped into my outside life anyway.  So, not only was my homelife in peril, my work life and my outside life was in peril too.  The first marriage counselor we went to suggested that I should go to the doctor and get “something” to help.  I could not understand why no one could see that the ex was the issue.  I now know that I was acting so edgy no one could see the “real” issue.  Why did I have to take the medicine?  I did not know then that the choice to take the medicine might very well have saved my life.

Every time I went home at night, I was “attacked” with another barrage of things from my ex.  He could take the simplest thing and turn it around and use it against me.  I was lost.  There was no one I could go to that would help me.  I was stuck.  I had nothing because he took it all.  I was trapped.  As long as I obeyed, things went well.  If I said anything against his choices, he would start in again.  Abuse does not have to leave outside bruises.  The ones on the inside are sometimes worse.  Bones and bodies heal.  The mind is another thing all together.

After I left my job and had no time away from home, he really started in on me.  I cannot begin to describe how I felt.  How trapped I was and how I did not know what to do.  I would go out into the woods and walk just to be away from him.  He did not respect my boundaries on the inside of the house.  He wanted to know where I was going anytime I left the house.  He accompanied me when he felt like I might just paint him in a bad light.

That is when I would lock myself in the bathroom or the bedroom and simply howl when I was crying.  Actually, it started before I left work.  I would hide and howl.  I could not stop it.  It came out and I would just curl up and howl with the tears coming down out of my eyes, rocking back and forth.  That is when the “primal” side of me took over.  It was like a switch was turned.  I knew beyond a shaddow of a doubt that I had to protect myself.  I had to do something to keep from going crazy.  I was on the edge, I could have fallen either way.  I chose survival. 

But choosing survival meant that I had to do something to save “me”.  At first, it was simply a matter of survival.  Plain and simple survival.  There was no choice about morality or what was the next right thing to do.  It was simply if I don’t do something to protect me, my human body, I will be gone….crazy or dead….and I did not want that.  The will to live was stronger than the will to give up.

I do not know how to accurately describe that feeling.  I just could not go on the way I was going.  So, I chose to fight.  At first, it was literally physically… When he would corner me, I would rush and him and do anything to get away.  My mind was set on “freedom” and “away” not “What is the right thing to do at this point?”  There was no thinking, it was simply survival.  I cannot describe with words what that was like.  However, I can tell you that I never want to be there again.

I realized today, just how close I was to completely falling over the edge and losing myself.  My mind was in such a fragile state.  There were cracks in my psyche.  I started then with the repairs.  And, here I am now.  There is a lot that has happened in between. 

God had His hand on me even then.  And, He has His hand on me now.  There is no way I could have done this by myself.  When I made the choice of survival, I saved my life.

Amazing

God and His creations are totally amazing.  I say that almost every day.  I thank Him for all of His wonderous things and for His infinite wisdom in how time works.  Why am I proclaim this now?  Well, I just got back from my morning walk.  Spring is in the air.  My cheeks are still tingling from the wind that was blowing.  And, I have my windows open so I can feel the air and hear the birds’ songs.

I don’t think the average person ever really realizes just how amazing the seasons and cycles of life are.  They just pass through them with very little attention paid to what is around them daily.  They don’t take note of the little things that are happening right now.

Around the first of March, the world itself makes a shift and things in our hemisphere start warming up.  Even though we may still feel the chill of winter, the seeds and the plants and the trees know that it is time to start growing and blooming and leafing out.  We start to see little buds on the ends of limbs of trees.  We see greenery on the plants and shrubs.  Those bulbs and seeds, dormant during winter season start growing towards the surface.  Daffodils bud and bloom along with crocus, hyiacynth, blue eyed grass, and a plethera of others early spring plants.  Dogwood trees start to prepare to bloom for Easter.  The whole plant world is in a state of change.

Well, that brings us to the animal world.  When the sap rises in the trees and starts the growth of leaves, etc…the desire to multiply starts in birds and other animals.  You hear the birds singing in the bare branches of the trees.  They are saying, “I know Spring is coming and I am preparing to make a nest.  I need a mate so that we can raise our brood.”  They are also saying other things.  (If my grandfather were translating, he would say they are starting competitions to find the best tree for a nest, the best lining for that nest, the best place to get bugs and worms, and saying they were the best providers…trying to lure the women.)  Regardless, we who are human can barely see that Spring is coming when it is still very cold and there is ice still on the ground.  But, the animals know.

Today, while I was out walking.  I noticed that after the rain last night the earthworms were abundant.  Now, while that in itself is not amazing….what is is that they come to the surface, the papa birds get them and take them back to the moma birds who are now trying to sit on early nests.  The worms come just at the time when they are needed to nourish those things that need them to continue the cycle of life.  Seeing an earthworm on the sidewalk usually means that some bird somewhere will have a meal.

The bug life starts to begin too.  Those larva that were dormant will begin to grow and emerge very soon as butterflies and other types of bugs.  Others will dig there way out of the ground where they lay dormant for the winter.  The cicadas will soon start their songs in the evenings when the sun drops and the breeze is warm.

Frogs and toads are on the rise.  They too eat bugs and earthworms.  If you life near a pond or water, you are beginning to hear the little chirps and croaks from the frogs and toads.  They too are the harbringers of Spring.  Their song is pleasant and appealing to someone like me. 

I love to hear the symphony that begins with each new day.  First you hear the birds with their melodious and wonderful songs.  They sing in different tones and with different tempos.  It all fits together beautifully.  Then, about evening, the frogs, toads, crickets, cicadas, etc.  The chirps, peeps and croaks all fit together in a beautif lullaby to sleep by.

All we have to do is open our eye and ears and we can hear and see the really amazing beauty out there, the changes of the seasons and the cycles of life.  We can be caught up in Spring and gleefully hear the music that is around us.  It may even cause some of us to dance to the rhythm.

God is truly amazing and His wonder spreads to all the world.  Think about how syncronized all of the actions of nature and animals and bugs and us are.  It is not just hapenstance….There is a rhythm….

Making the bed

I used to think it was a chore and utterly amusing to try and make my bed with an 80lb pound dog trying to help.  Well, I have to admit that is nothing compared to being double teamed by two 10lb cats.  It is always an amusing and taxing chore.  Let me describe it for you.

First, I have to strip the bed.  That involves taking the quilt, the blanket and the sheets off the bed.  Which is really fun when you don’t know what cat is under the covers and which one is at your feet pawing at you.  Once you get the quilt and the blanket off, then they become a wonderful castle to play in with lots of hidey holes to jump out of.  Cats love to burrow down into the quilt and blankets and hide.

There is a respite for a little while while the sheets are washed and dried.  I only have a couple of sets of sheets.  So, usually the ones being washed are the ones that are going back on the bed.  They come out of the dryer all toasty warm and ready to be put on the bed.  Ah…easier said than done.

First I have to extricate the cats from the warm sheets that have been placed on the bed in order for the bed to be remade.  I get one cat out and put him on the floor while the other is jumping back on the bed to tunnel down into the warm cuddly sheet.  Finally, I get both of them on the floor at the same time and begin the task of getting the fitted sheet on the bed.

I get one corner started.  The kitties are now back on the bed and they both chase the sheet across the bed trying to catch it and roll up inside the warm cuddliness of it.  I get two corners on and have placed the kitties on the floor at least three times each.  I get the third corner on only to find that they have tunneled under the only open end and are in the middle of the bed under the warm cuddly sheet.  Any attempt at extracting them brings slaps from four furry front paws.  I get one out and dropped on the floor.  I get the other one out while the first one is back on the bed.  I grasp the last corner in my hands and attach it to the last corner of the mattress that is uncovered.

At this point, the cats are both back in the middle of the bed.  They chase my hand as I run it down the sheet pressing out all the air pockets and smoothing the sheet to the mattress.  I get little nips and slaps as they think this is part of a game that we are in the middle of playing.

I pick up the flat sheet and figure out the top edge.  I flap the sheet to spread it over the bed.  Both cats are now under the flat sheet that has just settled down on top of the fitted sheet.  I see two lumps in the middle of the bed.  I reach under to extract them once again from the middle of the bed.  First one and them the other.  Then they are on top of the flat sheet and not under it.

The kitties chase my hand around as I smooth the top sheet to the bed.  I then pick up the blanket.  It is very soft and fuzzy.  McGyver loves to knead the blanket.  MoJoe loves to get under it.  I pick it up and spread it out over the bed.  Then I attempt to make hospital corners with the flat sheet and the blanket together.  That is after I once again extract the cats from under the blanket and deposit them on the floor.

Then the cats attack my ankles from the cover of the quilt that they have made into their cave.  I pull up the quilt and deposit it on the bed.  Both cats hop onto the bed and quickly get under the quilt.  I pull one out and them the other.  We again play chase the hand as I smooth the quilt down on the bed.

The pillow case is last.  They have found it and have made a nest inside.  I toy with the idea of taking some string and tying them up in the pillow case.  Then I realize that I don’t really want to drown them and besides, I don’t have any rocks to toss in the bag with them.  Again, I extricate one and them the other from the pillow case.  Then I attempt to put the pillow inside.  The cats follow the progress of the case up the side of the pillow trying to capture and slow it’s progress in their paws.

Finally after about 15 minutes the bed is made.  Then….someone knocks on the door and MoJoe runs for cover.  He burrows under the quilt and deposits himself in the middle of the bed to become a “lump”.  At last the bed is made.