Generalizations

Okay, I am going to get on my soap box again.  So, if you don’t want to read another post about something we “should be careful” about, then you need to either go to another of my posts or move on to someone else’s.

Generalizations can be good or bad.  They themselves don’t have power one way or another.  It is what people do with the “information” they “think” they have that is either good or bad.  Generalizations can color attitude and actions.  We hear them every day.  Probably lots of generalizations in the same day.  We take that information and we either “test” it or we take it as truth.  That is were the “danger” can come in.

We generalize things, animals, races and individuals.  We take what we learn or hear about and either add to them from our own perspective. Then, we act on the premise that the generalization is true, partially true, false or completely false. 

If you are wondering what a generalization would be….”All pit bulls are agressive and dangerous animals” is a generalization.  Depending upon your experiences with animals and pit bulls in particular, you may either believe, partially believe, or totally discount the above statement.  In my experience, dogs, what ever the breed, are usually not agressive and dangerous.  They can be taught those attributes by how they are handled and cared for.  And, agreeably, there are a few that are “naturally more agressive” than others.  It is all in how they are trained or not trained or treated or not treated that usually tell the demeanor of an animal.  Any animal.

That being said, the above generalization can teach a person to be cautious around animals with whom they are not familiar.  That is a good thing.  But, thinking all pit bulls are dangerouse is not a good thing.  Get it?

Well, people tend to not only do these generalizations about animals or things, but about people and even races of people.  Hello, where do you think discrimination came from?????

Last night, I experienced this first hand.  Not discrimination.  But generalization of people and how it can color one’s attitude and response to others.  It was generally held, amoung the people I was with last night, that Southerners are cliquish and not very friendly or warm.  Even though this was not directed at me personally, being a Southerner I had my feelings hurt because I would not describe myself or most of my fellow Southerners as either. 

If one person goes into a situation and gathers information about one or maybe even a few people that is unpleasant, it does not then mean that all people of that ilk are the same.  Often, people have a very small test group from which they make their generalizations.  Then their attitude colors how they approach others of the “same” ilk or ethnicity or color….That is wrong.

Of course, I am a Southerner.  So, one could say, I am a member of the “club”.  So, my experience would of course be different from those who are not Southerners.  Even making generalizations of a certain section of the Southern population is wrong when tested agains the rest of the Southern region. 

I have known the most generous and kind Southerners.  I have known those who are class conscious.  I have known those who bear ill will towards “others” because they are interlopers to the South.  And, believe me, the generous and kind ones far out weigh the others mentioned above.

I can also attest to the same about Northerners or Westerners or Young Mommies, or Marrieds….generalizations cannot be used to “measure” the goodness or kindness of those we do not know or are not familiar with.  If we go into a situation where we already have “preconceived” ideas about how a person or persons are going to act, we most often are already in the mind set that will not see how wonderful and welcoming people can be. 

People and animals can sense if you are already in the mind set that you are going to judge them before you “get to know” them.  

The only things that usually do not change from the generalizations that we already have are things.  And, that cannot be held totally true either.  How many times have you heard “I only drive a ______ because other cars/trucks are not good or dependable”.  You can fill in the blank with your favorite brand.  Just because one person or maybe two or even ten had a bad experience, we take that and run with it to generalize that all ______ perform badly.

So, the next time you are tempted to say….anything that is a “generalization” about a people or a race, remember there are others out there “generalizing” you too.  Just as much as you won’t like their generalization, they will not like yours if it has a negative connotation.

Careful….you could be missing out on a lot of cool wonderful and fun people by generalizing way too much.

God Speaking

Mike Moses, our minister at LakeForest, told us not too long ago that someone in the congregation came to him one day and told him they were leaving the church to go elsewhere.  When questioned, this person said that every Sunday, when they came to church, God spoke to them and it was often very emotional.  This person stated that God was “dealing with them” too much and they preferred to go to another church where God would not speak to her so much….  This was totally perplexing to Mike..

In a way, I can understand.  Recently, since I have been learning how to lean into God and His unending love and care, He has been giving me some pretty deep conversations too.  Not always pleasant….but just what the doctor ordered.  Today was another one of those days. 

My grandfather used to say that he heard God’s voice.  The God actually spoke to him with words as if man to man.  I was too young at the time to ask what God sounded like or if my grandfather could actually hold a conversation with God.  My guess is that yes, sometimes God was willing and able to hold conversations with my grandfather.

Me, well, God has been speaking to me all along.  All my life He has beent trying to get my attention.  Some times, He got me to turn my head and acknowledge that I was indeed hearing something.  But, most of the time, I was able to shrug it off.  See, I am thick headed and somewhat dense when it comes to hearing that “still small voice” in the wilderness.

So, God has taken to “showing” me things or “speaking” to me through others.    Most often, every time I go to church, God speaks to me through either the songs or the sermon or both.  As I said before, not always what I want to hear.  But, if I heed the words and decide to act upon what has been laid out for me…the road seems to get a little bit smoother. 

Now, does not mean there are not ups and downs…does not mean that the way is clear….does not mean that it is not a wild ride some times.  Just means that I can hear a little better than I could before.  That, in itself, is a blessing.  Now, I don’t always have to get knocked in the head to get the message.

What have I been learning lately,  read a few of these entries and you might get the idea.  Learning to lean and turst are the two most important right now.  Knowing God hears me when I call….He has been giving me signs big time for that one. 

I am having to learn that things happen in God time not my time. Even if I might ask for God to do things in people time rather than His time,  I get the picture of Him smiling and shaking His head.  “Haven’t you gotten it yet little one?”  “Ask and it shall be given…but only how I want to give it and when I am ready”  “Otherwise, you won’t be able to handle it and won’t be ready for it even if you think you are.”  “So, just trust Me and let Me do the work.”  “Oh you might have to do some work too!”  “But, then you will appreciate it more.”

“Love Ya….Mean it!”  Now that one puts a smile on my face.  God has to smile too. 

Keep growing and keep listening.  He’s there…..

Testing, Testing, Testing 123

I guess most of us recognize the above phrase from when someone is setting up a sound system.  Well, today, I feel like God is setting up the “sound” system in me.  You will remember a few of my past posts, one on responsibility and another on leaning and trusting.  Well, I am being sorely tested on those subjects.

Our Minister, Mike Moses, is a wise and wonderful man.  Today he spoke on the section from Luke about the Lillies of the field and how beautifully they are dressed and why we worry over things we actually should not… This has been part of the Love 10 celebration and campaign that is going on at LakeForest.  It actually was a sermon on who owns you.  (your things, or God) 

But, the part I took away that meant the most to me, was how much, once again, how much, God loves all of us.  We are all special to Him and He will not leave us high and dry without ” living water” or sinking in mire without a “life savor” or “life savior”.   So, I am being tested as Mike Moses says we all are in order to “learn” the behavior that God is trying to teach us.

Yes, it is one thing to say I will do this.  It is another thing to put it into practice.  And, it took the sermon today to get me to realize what has been going on in my own life.  God is allowing me to be tested on things that I am now professing I want to do or learn.

So, on trusting….He has sent someone into my life right now who I thought I could trust but I found I could not.  This person essentially threw me “under the bus” in order to save her own skin.  She also refused and still refuses to take responsibility for her own actions.

Due to the above, my job was literally in peril.  This person set it up so that I looked at fault and if I could not have proven her incorrect, my boss could have fired me because of “she said”/”she said”.  Who do you believe?  If it is between me, a lowly part-time receptionist/vet tech and a Vet, who do you think the boss is apt to believe? 

So, my trust in humans was once again tested.  Do I believe as I have up to this point that all “humans” have an ulteria motive and will use you if they can just to throw you away when they are done or to protect themselves?  Or, do I believe that there are far more people that I can trust and have proven that to me?  Where do I put my trust?  Where do I stand? 

It is dismaying this person has chosen to act this way.  I have been around so many of the same people in my life that I know she will not take responsibility nor will she apologize for putting my job in jeopardy.

Then there is that word that keeps popping up, responsibility.  Well, I wrote a whole blog about not taking responsbility and I need to practice what I preach.  I did.  However, much it pained me, I did take responsibility for something that happened at work that may or may not be “exactly” true.  Regardless, I had a hand in it and I needed to stand up and say so no matter the cost to me and my livelyhood.

There was an issue with some product at work that seemed to have been mislabled.  It was packaged in a way that I usually do.  The “general” consensus is that the product, would not be harmful to the animals if given to them, but if mislabled, might not do what we wanted it to do.  So, this product, based on statements by my boss had to be discarded. 

I could tell by the statements  my boss had made that she had, in fact, decided that I had was at fault.  Having no evidence to discount her thoughts and decisions, I owned up to the fact that if she felt I was as fault, she should dock my pay for the product that had to be discarded.  It was the right thing to do and the right decision to make.  I would feel better and do feel better knowing  I took responsibility even at detriment to me. 

So, instead of hanging on “maybes”  as “maybe it is” or “maybe it isn’t”, I swallowed my pride and took the hit.  I think that made my boss feel better about me and about the situation.  So, I made a step in the right direction.

Lastly, learning to lean into God.  The scripture today brought that home.  Yes, this has been an emotional week.  Yes, I have been fearful of losing my job.  Yes, I was worried about what would happen to me if I was in fact fired.  So, where was my leaning into God?

Today, He brought that home through the verses that we read aloud in Church.  God’s way of saying….”Hey, I know that you have had a really bad time recently.  Hey, I got it that you need a job to live.  Hey, I know you are worried….  But, child of mine, listen to Me…Don’t let it get to you.  I got your back and will make sure you get what you need”

You know what?  These past two years have shown me God does and will take care of me.  No matter what…. He won’t forget about me.  How do I know?  Well, He told me today in Church.  And, most of all, He has sent me some wonderful people and family that I can and do trust….My responsibily?  Being honest and earnest and stand up for what is right.  He’s got the rest.

Community

On Sunday, Mike Moses, our minister at LakeForest, spoke about how God speaks to us.  There are three ways…..1. In Silence, 2. In Community and 3. Through the Bible.

God has been definitely speaking to me through Community.  As I said in my last post, I am still learning how to trust other people.   Up until just recently, I did not feel that I could really, trust anyone human.  My life experiences said to me that humans are out for what they can get and they will use you in any way they can.  While that may be true of some people on this earth, it is definitely not the norm.   (My norm maybe, but not the “real” norm.)

My past few posts have been about losing things that were important to me.  About people taking things from me.  About people using me.  And, also about learning to lean into God for Security and learing to trust people.

My Community consists of not only my Community Group which is made up of wonderful caring and loving people.  People who I was fearful of for a while but have proven that even though I come to them with really horrible stuff, they are willing to sit down and help me sort through it and find the things worth keeping.  People who have valiantly protected me and stood beside me when I thought no one ever would.  My previous experiences have never been like what have been my experiences in the past couple of years.

My Community also consists of my Ministry Partners at church.  It extends from the small group that I have to the church and tons of people.  It extends from the guy in the parking lot on Sunday who speaks to everyone and welcomes them to the minister up on the stage.  It extends from the people who greet you at the door to the people who brew and serve the coffee.  It extends to the ladies in the Bible Studies and even to other Community Groups.  These people are now my family.

I do not know each and everyone of them personally.  However we all join together to be the body of Christ. 

There are those who know my most intimate secrets.  And, they still love me!  In times of need, they have shared their bounty with me.  I have friends that I truly call my sisters and brothers.  We pray for each other.  I don’t have to  be fearful of them.  They will not turn me away if I do not appear useful to them.

God has blessed me with relationships with all these wonderful people.  I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Leaning and Trusting

Those two words go hand in hand for a lot of people.  For me also.  Yet they have two separate lives for me also.  I am learning to lean into God.  And, I am learning to trust people.

Where and when did I come up with that conclusion?  Well, it was at one of our Bible Studies.  I am a memeber of LakeForest Church in Huntersville, NC.  We regularly hold Bible Studies for women.  The series is called Oasis and is led by some really beautiful people.  Each Spring and Fall, these awesome women offer studies for other women of the church.

This Fall, a friend of mine offerd to “treat” me to a study called No Other Gods.  It meets on Monday nights.  There are about 12 women in the group.  We have a meal with each other and discuss the week’s lessons.  It is wonderful.  We are learning so much about each other and our feelings.  This is a place where you can be yourself and no one chooses to judge you.

Last Monday, one of the topics we discussed was fear.  Fear is the thing that “glue” you to the false God…In my case security.  I have never in my life felt secure.  And, that has been covered in plenty of these blogs if you just read between the lines.  Some people can, some can’t.

Any way after I had shared that I had never in my life felt safe or secure until I learned how to lean into God.  I said that I was feeling better and more secure since I had started leaning into God more and more.

After the class, my friend looked at me and stated that I had learned early that people are not to be trusted that the only one trustable is God.  I have thought about that statement and have several interchanges with my friend about what she meant and what I meant and what I want to share here.

Here is what I have come up with to share.  Yes, because of the life I have been living, the life I was dropped into when I was born, I have learned that I cannot trust other people.  I could not even trust members of my own “DNA” family with whom I grew up.  I was given glimpses of what security looked like.  I was given the bare minimum of security… Meaning, food, water, and clothing.  The rest, well, it could come and go as easily as the wind blows through the trees.  Anything I got attached to that made me feel a sense of security would eventually be taken from me in some way.  This practice was true all the way to my failed marriage.  I was so used to not being able to count on any one or anything but me.  That is a very horrible and sad way to live.

During this time, I knew God.  I trusted God with some pretty big things.  He took control of some other things that literally saved my life more than once.  I prayed.  I went to church.  I sat in the pew and heard the sermons.  I put money in the collection plate.  But, I lived on the edge of what I could have had.  God was holding it all out to me.  I was so afraid it I took it, it would once again be taken from me.  So, I took the scraps thrown from the table and made do.  Because of my beginnings, I felt I did not deserve our could not ask for more. 

Even the parable of the Prodigal Son could not convince me that God had a fatted calf just for me.  After all, I had never run away and then come back home.  I just thought I was one of those destined to suffer through life and I mean suffer.  Hurt after hurt.  I never blamed God.  I always wondered what I could have done in my life to make me worthy of only bad things and bad times. 

Let me state here that growing up that way made me very self sufficient.  It also made me frugal and wary.  I pretty much felt alone in the world.  That happens when you hear that you were not really wanted at first.  And, later was wanted because you were “useful”.  I grew up knowing the value of a dollar and not ever asking for much.  Things can be taken from you.  The less things you have, the less it hurts when they are taken away.

Let’s flash forward through my failed marriage to my divorce.  Through that time and now, I have found that there are truly people out there that are loving and kind.  My new family has nothing to do with DNA and everything to do with love and caring.  This is a new and wonderful concept to me.  It has been shown to me that I can indeed learn to trust these people they are trustworthy and are not “out” for what they can get.  If they say they will, unless something happens, they will.  So one of the things that is amazing to me is that these very people and many like them existed all my life and I never knew it! 

So, because of the upbringing I have had, I am learning to trust.  I don’t have to look at these people with a jaded eye or make myself standoffish so as not to be hurt.  I don’t have to be so protective of my heart around these people.  No walls are needed because they are not there to take but to give. 

And, leaning into God has given me the sense of security I could never find with humans.  He is my protector and my strength.  He has shown me that if I lean into Him, nothing, absolutely nothing can get between us.  And, even if the situation is scary, I need not fear because He is there protecting me.  Security to the max!!!!!  I can lay down and close my eyes and rest, safely and securely.

This journey takes many twists and turns.  I wear a cross and a lamb on a chain around my neck.  That lamb’s reason for being there changes or morphs into something else a lot.  First, it was for the Lamb of God.  Today, I am the sheep and God is my shepard, as from Psalm 23.