Relationships

Our minister is preaching a series of sermons on relationships between parent and children.   However, the therories that he is presenting for parenting can also be used in all important relationships.

The first week he spoke on “focus”.  It is important to focus on “where you want to be” and not get bogged down in the everyday things that can come along.  For parents, this can be things like getting a child to eat or a teenager to listen to reason…etc.  Pastor Mike says if you “focus” on the ultimate goal for the child, say for them to grown up being a worthy citizen and a good God fearing christian, your prephrial vision can take care of the other things. 

It is rather like driving.  You look ahead to where you are going.  But, you can also see the things and areas around you and be prepared for what might come in your path.

Today, the sermon was on love.  And fighting for the person you love not necessarily fighting with the person you love.  It is not about control…it is about influence.  When you are a parent, the goal is to always let your child know that no matter what, you love them.  You have to set rules and regualtions but when you come to a point where you and your child disagree….let them know first and foremost that you love them….that what you are saying is for their own good.  Some times the fighting for the relationship will be very similar to fighting with your child.  Love is the difference between fighting for control and fighting for a win/win situation where you both go away knowing that love is the most important part.

This is also true in a husband/wife relationship.  Both of the partys should be fighting for the relationship not fighting for control.  If you are not on the same page with love and working together being the ultimate goal, well the, the relationship is doomed.  No one should try to control another.

Even God has given us free will.  He lets us know how much He loves us.  He wants us to love Him.  And, He gives us rules to live by to show that love to others.  Why would our relations with other humans be any different?

It is not about who is right and who is wrong.  Or about who is stronger and who is weaker.  Or about always getting your way or always giving up.  It is about love first and foremost.  If you have that, you want the best for your child or your mate.

Mischievious Mojoe

When I was a child, there was a plaque on our Doctor’s wall of a little dog with sad eyes sitting beside a bottle of spilt milk.  The quotation for the scene was “Who, Me?”  I get that same look from Mojoe everytime I catch him doing something that he shouldn’t.

Of course, Mojoe is the one with the angelic face.  Most of the time that I am around, he plays the innocent bystander to McGyver’s antics.  But, I know the truth.  While McGyver has his share of antics, he is a plain thinker.  He does not “puzzle” things out or “what if” anything.  He sees it.  He wants it.  He does it.  No pre planning or deep thought there.

Mojoe, on the other hand, reminds me of someone who thinks long and deeply before he acts.  Now I know why he spends so much time under the covers of my bed.  He is in there thinking our scenarios of things he wants to do and get away with.  I swear he must have one of those wipe off boards somewhere with X’s and O’s depicting his plan of action.  Where he hides it, I don’t know.

Some of his latest antics?  Well, he has taken to playing air hockey with his food.  He has always pulled the food out of the dish to eat it.  But, now, he has to chase it across the kitchen floor before it goes down the hatch.  He has also taken to dragging the food bowl around to different spots on the kitchen floor so he can practice his slap shot from different angles.  I am constantly finding bits of food on the floor and under the stove and refrigerator.  I am going to have to get a bowl too heavy for him to manouver. 

He also likes to get up on the kitchen sink and take my sponge.  The latest one has disappeared.  I do not know where it has gone.  I am sure I will find it shriveled up and hard place conveniently in my path on my way to the bathroom in the dark one night.  I have taken to putting my most current sponge back under the sink when I am through washing dishes.

He has taken pieces of my beautiful Christmas Cactus out of the pot and brought them into the bedroom.  I find them on the bed, in the bed and under the bed.  I try to rescue them.  Some times I can.  When I replant the stem in the pot, it will thrive.  Other times, they are either too shriveled or chewed up to save.

He likes to take the caps to my contact lens case.  I find, only the white one, is missing when I go in to take out my contacts at night.  What ensues is a search for the lid.  Often I find it hidden under on of the throw pillows that is littering the floor of my little den area.  Do I put the pillows on the floor?  Nope.  Mojoe likes to redecorate too.

He takes stuff out of the bathroom trash can.  I find Q-tips all over the house.  I have lost innmeral ink pens.  I am sure I will find them when I move.  They have been shoved under every piece of furniture that I have.

I have to admit that it is fun to watch Mojoe walking around the house with his latest prize in his mouth.  Anything that he can pick up, he does.  But, it is not amusing to find that he has taken something that I need when I actually need it.

Mojoe is the more agressive of the two also.  He will chase McGyver all over the house pinning him and making him cry “uncle” before he is released.  I have seen Mojoe, who is the smaller of the two, pin McGyver and hold him until McGyver cries with a yowl or a hiss.  The tufts of orange fur I am constantly picking up attest to the fact that some times Mojoe plays pretty rough.

He is also endearing.  He cannot really meow but he does make a noise.  Often when I am sitting at my desk, he will come and nudge me with his nose wanting me to look at him and give him a pat or two.  He will get up in my lap or on the desk and sit with me for a few minutes.  Then, he is off again for his next adventure.

So, I guess the old adage is true, “It’s the quiet ones you have to worry about.”

Funerals

My Uncle David, aged 91, passed away last Wednesday.  His funeral was on this past Saturday in Pawley’s Island, SC. I went down early on Saturday to be with family and friends. 

The funeral was set for 1:00 PM in the Presbyterian church.  While we were riding over to the church, my mother shared that someone she had spoken with wanted to know why we were having the funeral so early in the day.  She stated that she had merely said “that’s the way it is done here”.  I expressed that since the community was originally a farming community, funerals were held early in the day so that the farmers could get back to their chores before the end of the day.  Even though farming is no longer the norm in the area, the tradition has lasted even to today.

It was a true Southern funeral.  We arrived and were immediately ushered to the “family room” where other members of the family were waiting until the appointed time.  There were ushers at the doors of the chapel that seated those non-family members who had come to pay respect to the recently deceased.

The viewing had been held at the funeral home the night before.  The family received friends and loved ones from 5:00 to 7:oo PM.  They have started doing this rather than bringing the body home to have a traditional wake at the family home.  Still yet though, there are some who hold to the tradition of having the viewing at home.  After being taken to the funeral home for preparation, the body is transported to the family home to stay until being taken to the church for the funeral.  I still have dreams about my father in his coffin at our house.  So many people came to that old farm house that they broke the proch off the back of the house.

At the appointed time, the funeral director came in and lined the family up.  We were ushered to the door of the chapel and prosessed in much like those attending a wedding.  The friends and loved ones stood until all of the immediate family were seated.

Then, the funeral began.  We started with Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee.  Then there were Bible readings and some inspirational music.  After that my cousin, Michael, Uncle David’s son, took the podium and eulogized his father.  It was very touching and moving to hear a father described by a son.  It was obvious that there was a lot of love and respect for Uncle David.  It was also obvious that Michael had felt every word he spoke about the man who was his father.

Then, the minister arose.  He was at a loss because he did not personally know Uncle David.  So, he was relegated only to speaking of what had been told to him by family members.  To fill the time, he read sever poems about life and passing away.  He did a good job.

We then sang He Leadth Me, recited the Affirmation of Faith and sang Glory Be To The Father.  We were dismissed to go to the internment site in Sampit.  This is an old cemetary that has been the repository of many of our ancestors.  It sits across the road from the old country church that my grandparents and parents attended for many, many years. 

When we got there, we were early, arriving before the hearse.  So, I walked among the gravestones, stopping to read and say a little prayer for those who had gone before me.  I went over to my father’s grave and had a moment of silence. 

We waited and waited…then we found out that the hearse had had a flat tire on the way over to the internment.  When that happened, those around had come to the aid with several people stopping and others coming out of their homes to provide assistance.  Those Southerners still have a respect for the dead and tradition.  Chivalry is not dead in the deep deep south.

Family members recounted the incident.  They said that at first no one realized why the hearse had slowed down.  They were totally impressed by those willing to stop and help a “dead” stranger to them.  The family members also said that it was Uncle David’s way of saying that he “wasn’t quite ready yet”.

Making Things Better….

Having changed careers from the world of finance to the world of animal health, I have stepped from on type of customer care into another.  Thankfully, my customer service skills and my “want to help” nature have helped me to make the transfer from one type of work to another without too many bumps.

The hardest thing so far has been practicing triage by phone.  I have had to learn all of the questions to ask to give the most information to the Vet so that he/she is ready to treat the animal once they arrive at the destination.  I also have had to learn how to calm down excited clients because they are worried about their animals.  The calming down thing has not been as hard as figuring out what questions to ask about the ailing animal.

Thankfully, most of our clients are pros and experienced in giving the needed information.  There are some though who either are new to the large animal world or not very observant or caring.

Animals are totally dependent on their owners.  Smart owners know the nuances of their charges much as they would know the nuances of their children.  They tell me that their animals are depressed or ADR (aint doing right).  They describe them as being less alert or playful.  Those that are usually full of life can be listless.  What parent has not seen these symptoms in their own children.  However, unlike children, animals cannot tell us when they are not feeling well.

It is up to me to get the Vet there and “make things better”.  It is important that I transfer the information from the client to the Vet.  If the information is not taken down correctly, or the wrong address is given, it can delay the Vet in their quest to help the ailing animal.

I enjoy my new job.  I like being able to help.  I ask about the animals when the Vet calls in to ask if there are more ailing animals.  I want to help make things better.

Connecting

This is a subject that has been on my mind for a while.  There are many different kinds of connections.  So many in fact, that my mind races through tons of them as I ponder on what to write to get my point across.  Today, I am limiting myself with connections that involve feelings and emotions.  That is what is foremost on my mind when I speak of connections.  The kind that touch you heart and soul.

I am most ‘hungry” for the affore mentioned type of connection.  It is elusive to me right now.  Touching heart and sould releases tons of emotions.  They can be “good” emotions or “bad” emotions.  They can make you smile and beam or tear up and cry.  They can be tons of energy or cause you to stop and pause.

I guess I am ever the “romantic” hoping for that true connection.  It has nothing to do with being snatched up by a knight on a white horse and taken off to live happily ever after.  Romanticism to me is not a heaving bossom and hot sweaty nights.  And, I don’t think the actual “romantic” poets and authors had that type of connection in mind either.

We all search to be connected.  Some of us need to be “connected” to ourselves.  We really don’t know who we are or what we want..We just “drift”, never admitting what we need or want because we really don’t know what we need to want. 

Some of us desire to be connected with others.  To know that we truly have a soulmate out there somewhere that just “gets” us completely and totally.  If you deny this feeling long enough, it can really and truly get you in trouble.  Someone can swoop in and “sweep you off your feet” not because they want to connect with you but because they recognize they can use you until you catch on.

Isolating oneself can result in loss of connection.  That can also get you into trouble.  You lose touch.

You can also connect with someone you never meet.  Words traded over email or with letters or over the phone can lead to two people connecting on a level more than physical.  These can last for years or just a day. 

So, where does all this rambling go?  My desire to connect?  I am ready to get out there again and try and find those wonderful, special and very dear connections.  I am again beginning to be hopeful that there is a connection out there for me.

The Next Right Thing

I have a lot going on in my life right now.  Not only have I been displaced from the house and space that I had grown to love very much, but I have been denied the company of my best friend, Ranger Dog.  That is only the beginning of all the changes that have been going on.

I have a wonderful counselor and advisor here on this earth.  Of course we all have our heavenly father as a wonderful counselor and advisor.  I have been lucky to find one “with skin on” too.  She listens to me rant and rave.  She listens to me express my anger and my fear.  She helps me to interpret my dreams and encourages my desires.  Without her and her wonderful, artful advice, I would be still struggling to “find a way”.

To me, “finding a way” up until now, has been much like being put in a round room and told to find the corner.  I would go round and round, running into the various pieces of furniture in the room, ending up with bangs and bruises and nothing else to show for the effort.  I was always nervous, edgy and wondering when the next bad thing was coming down the pike to hit me full on.

Slowly but surely, I have learned to listen to my counselor’s voice and also to the still small voice of God.  He sent her into my life.  And, she freel acknowledges that she is His instrument to be used to help me.  It is a wonderful relationship.  She is the one who said the above phrase to me when she was counseling me on what I should do next. 

Finding the “next right thing” is not easy.  It requires a lot of thought and prayer.  It is something that is not to be taken lightly.  Yet, it can almost always be as obvious as the sunshine on a summer’s day.  Or, it can seem as hard to grasp as the wind in the trees.  It is always there….It can be seen….You don’t need special glasses or wisdom beyond your years.  You simply need to stop, look and listen.  (Just like how you were taught to cross the road.)

If you don’t stop, you can run head on into something that can cause a lot of damage and pain.  If you don’t look, you can sometimes pick the wrong thing because you are grasping for anything in your reach.  If you don’t listen, you never hear that still small voice that will often lead you to the “next right thing”.

Before now, it was way to easy for me to run headlong into anything in my way, trying to get past what was staring me in the face.  Because I was always searching, I often either came up empty handed or with a tool that I could not use.  Not to mention how often I was beaten, battered and bruised by heedless actions for not listening to the voices of wisdom.  Now, I endeavor to try my best to do the “next right thing”.

In order to do the “next right thing”, you have to focus on the here and now.  You cannot think about what was or what might be.  You can “learn” from the past and “look” forward to the furture.  But, in order to do the “next right thing”, you have to be here and it has to be now.  Choice of the “next right thing” will be obvious only to those who take the time to seek it.  It is good advice but very hard to take.  It is a learning and growning experience like no other.